Stocking Stuffers
Sh*t Show Hand Sanitizer
$8.00
Don�t call it a little, don�t call it a bit. This is one *complete* shit show and it won�t stand to be diminished. * 62% alcohol. * Kills 99.99% of germs on contact. * Made with aloe vera.
F*ckin' Around Hand Sanitizer
$8.00
If I was going to fuck around, you�d know that I was going to fuck around. But I�m not going to fuck around, because I�m just not the kind of person who would. Fuck around, that is. * 62% alcohol....
Soap Classy As F*ck
$11.00
So classy. That's what I thought when I saw you at the bus station in stilettos. And when I noticed your Starbucks cup filled with Boone's Farm, I said to myself, no. That is classy AF. I wish I could...
Soap Parent Teachers
$11.00
The quadratic WHAT? Kid, I was never that good at math. I failed algebra twice. I'm more of a baking delicious cupcakes, good movie finder type of personality. Can't you just find some random 8 year old YouTuber halfway around...
Me When My Song Comes On Dish Towel
$11.00
Super-insulated. 100% cotton.
Magic Is Totally Real Dish Towel
$11.00
Super-insulated. 100% cotton.
My Way or Fast Food Dish Towel
$11.00
Super-insulated. 100% cotton.
Soap Midlife Crisis
$12.00
Will not fade new tattoos! Midlife Crisis soap smells like a motorcycle, or a perm or maybe even a food truck. Whatever it is, you're throwing caution to the wind and finally going for it. And not a second too...
Astrology Pencils Libra
$12.00
LIBRA September 23 - October 22 Libra Traits Diplomatic People-Pleaser Passive-Aggressive Indecisive Superficial Flirt Pencils: THANKS FOR NOTHING I'M SORRY I SAY SORRY ALL THE TIME I'M DATING SOMEONE BUT WE CAN TEXT IT'S NO PROBLEM!!!! EASILY DISTRACTE... WHY CAN'T...
Astrology Pencils Pisces
$12.00
PISCES February 19 - March 20 Pisces Traits Dreamer Sensitive Procrastinator Charitable Intuitive Easily-led Pencils: TIME FOR MY SECOND NAP STRAY ANIMAL COLLECTOR WILDLY UNDERAPPRECIATED DRINKS LIKE A FISH AMAZEBALLS IDEAS PENCIL MY ALONE TIME IS FOR YOUR SAFETY WILL...
Soap Morning People
$12.00
Smells like a hell no. Everyone knows I love mornings. Especially when they start after two, two-thirty in the afternoon. That way I can combine breakfast, lunch and dinner into one healthy tomato smoothie. With vodka. A lot of vodka....
Soap #Goals
$12.00
Hashtag duh. It seems like lately, everyone has goals. #hairgoals #friendgoals #pizzagoals #beergoals #napgoals #goopgoals. awww, crap. I wrote goals too many times and now it sounds weird. Goals. Goals. GOALS. Gooooaaaallls. Tag. You're it. Unicorn Farts Scented 6 oz....
Soap Gen Z
$12.00
Bro! I'm so pumped about this soap for my generation! I just found out there were names for generations. And I just found out what a generation is. I'm literally dead right now. This is low-key the most fire tea...
Pencils Dog People
$12.00
IT WAS THE DOG, I SWEAR! Look, I don't know if you know this about my dog, but he's verrry gassy. So if you get a whiff of anything remotely off, it was the dog, ok? He's also responsible for...
Pencils Days of the Week
$12.00
WOW, WHAT A CONCEPT. No longer do you have an excuse not to use a fresh pencil each and every day! Plus, we've even included (at no extra cost) a handy Blursday pencil for those days when you can't be...
Pencils Excuses For Introverts
$12.00
PEOPLE SUCK. That's why you prefer to stay inside with your stuffed animal collection. But sometimes it's a little hard to admit that in public. So we've carefully crafted a few extremely plausible excuses to get you out of all...
Concrete Owl Planter Natural
$12.00
A small concrete owl planter that is great for air plants. These little guys are super sweet and easy to place anywhere in your home. 2.5" H x 2.5" W
Soap Social Anxiety
$12.00
I'm *cough* super sick Otherwise, I would TOTALLY go to your [insert any social event here]. You know how much I love mingling. It's just that I broke my glass eye again and then I set the waterbed on fire....
Soap Personal Space
$12.00
Oh, perfect. You're back wandering around the office again instead of working at your desk like the rest of us. What's that? You just had to show me today's hilarious desk calendar joke? Made you think of me? Hey, guess...
Soap Quarantine Nostalgia
$12.00
Times used to be much simpler. For a little while. Sure, we couldn't go anywhere or touch anything or see anyone, but we still had PUZZLES. And BAKING. And LEARNING A NEW LANGUAGE. Okay, only insane people did that. But...
Soap Outdoor People
$12.00
Sunsets just get me. If I'm inside, you can bet I'm thinking of being out. I'm just never more comfortable than when I'm knee-deep in swamps, poison ivy, and cicadas. In fact, I once knitted an entire sweater out of...
Soap Queens
$12.00
Talk. To. The. Hand. Seriously? I mean, seriously? I bought you this Candle for Queens and your only response is to throw it at me? Talk about major drama! I'll tell you this right here, right now. If you don't...
Soap Office Naps
$12.00
I wasn't sleeping. I was thinking really hard. Yes, sometimes my eyes close and my head lolls back when I think really extra-hard. Well yes, there can also be a smidge of drool. No really, it's actually a chiropractic-recommended ergonomic...
Soap Salty Servers
$12.00
Can we move to that booth over there? I�ve got a tip for you: Don't expect me to smile when I bring your custom salad: Hold the lettuce, arugula, croutons, cheese and onions, zebra milk dressing on the side, oh...
Love Is Being Stupid Together Crew Socks
$12.00
One Size Fits: Women's Shoe Size 5-10. 50% Combed Cotton, 47% Nylon and 3% Spandex.
Baby Carrot Crew Socks
$12.00
One Size Fits: Women's Shoe Size 5-10. 50% Combed Cotton, 47% Nylon and 3% Spandex.
Heading To My Next Mistake Crew Socks
$12.00
One Size Fits: Women's Shoe Size 5-10. 50% Combed Cotton, 47% Nylon and 3% Spandex.
I Love an Easy Challenge Crew Socks
$12.00
One Size Fits: Women's Shoe Size 5-10. 50% Combed Cotton, 47% Nylon and 3% Spandex.
I'm Shy? No Sh*t Crew Socks
$12.00
One Size Fits: Women's Shoe Size 5-10. 50% Combed Cotton, 47% Nylon and 3% Spandex.
Pencils Cool Dads
$12.00
SO FUNNY, I FORGOT TO LAUGH. Where in the heck are you and the other dads getting these so called "jokes" from anyway, Corny Dads Quarterly? I mean, come on now. Does every conversation need a fart reference? Are you...
Pencils First World Problems
$12.00
AWWWWW. I hear you're having a bad day. First of all, your wifi sucks, so Shameless is totally lagging. Plus, it's 95 outside but you're shivering under a blanket because the AC is SO freezing, and now your gluten-free muffin...
Pencils Grammar Police
$12.00
YOUR ANNOYING. Ahahaha. It's so easy to get under your skin. Just wanted to shoot a quick message to let you know how impressed we all are that you finally figured out the difference between your and you're. Welcome to...
Pencils Okay Moms
$12.00
CONGRATULATIONS. You're the world's okayest mom! Please don't take offense! Face it, perfect moms are the absolute worst, what with their spotless car seats, healthy and organic snacks packed neatly in recyclable containers, and quick draw first aid kits. Okay...
Pencils For Teachers
$12.00
IT'S A SNOW DAY SOMEWHERE. But not for you! You have another full day of dealing with other people's children AND their classroom shenanigans. And it's not that you don't love teaching. It's more that nobody truly appreciates all the...
Pencils the Office
$12.00
Oh, cool. It's Monday again. Feels like I just clocked out. Know what I love about Mondays? Nothing. In fifteen minutes, I'll be sleeping with my eyes open for an hour long meeting about employee morale followed by a "surprise"...
Pencils Boomers vs Millinnials
$12.00
PASS THE POPCORN. With the two largest generations in history at each other's virtual throats on social media, this is the most epic battle since white or wheat. Who�s more entitled? Who's more maligned? And does it even matter? HEY....
Pencils Cat People
$12.00
HERE KITTY, KITTY. I have a surprise for youuuu. Darn it, where are you? Remember that time you told me you wished you could be a little policeman? I�m sure you said that. And I've got JUST the costume for...
Pencils Procrastinators
$12.00
Two weeks. Go ahead, ask me anything. Invariably, the answer will be "two weeks." Wondering when I'll get my grades up? Two weeks. Get my grades up and start working out? Two weeks. Get my grades up, start working out,...
Pencils Midlife Crisis
$12.00
WHO SAYS EXISTENTIAL DREAD CAN'T BE FUN? Congratulations, you've made it to middle age! All those years of being "financially responsible" means you can finally buy a motorcycle and the bitchin' leather jacket to match. Or maybe a year-long silent...
Pencils Writer's Block
$12.00
TIRED OF FEELING LIKE A BONE-DRY HACK? So the wordsmith's well has run dry? Try this pack of Writer's Block pencils. If these pencils don't help you churn out regurgitated ideas and probably a vampire, I'll eat my hat. It's...
Pencils Lefties
$12.00
YOU'RE WEIRD. No, but seriously. Can you just suck it up and start using your right hand like everyone else in the developed world? You�re making us look bad with all your creativity and success. It's like you're part of...
Pencils Passive Aggressive
$12.00
It's fine. I mean, if you want, I can write an essay detailing the extent to which I'm fine. I'll even laminate the cover if you need me to do that, too. I don't mind at all. If that's what...
Luck Ain't Nothin Ankle Socks
$12.50
Women's shoe size 5-10. 58% nylon; 40% combed cotton; 2% spandex.
Awesome F*cking Beard Dish Towel
$12.50
Super-insulated. 100% cotton.