Soaps
Soap Insomnia
$14.50
Off switch. I don't know about you, but I sure could use an "off switch" for my pesky brain. Especially right around 3 AM every night. And then I'm tossing and turning and worrying about the dumbest shit anyone's ever...
Soap Fun Uncle
$14.50
Beer me! White 80, hut, hut, hike! I still don't know what that means, but it's something my uncle would've said as he wrestled me and my brothers to the living room with a full beer in his paw while...
Soap Cool Aunt
$14.50
Honey, hand me that bottle? Your auntie needs another top off. It's been a week, I tell ya. My work load is intense and my dating life is an absolute train wreck. Honestly, coming over to see my favorite niece...
Soap Bad Attitudes
$14.50
Are you still here? I thought perhaps my lack of eye contact and general disinterest may have clued you in. But here you are, still standing in front of me with your half-baked motivational sound bites and cheesy grin. No,...
Soap Okay Moms
$14.50
Congratulations. You're the world's okayest mom! I'd get you a mug except I swore off giving gifts years ago when one person from high school forgot to publicly wish me a "happy birthday" on Facebook and destroyed my love of...
Soap F*cking Zen
$14.50
Om. I don't get it. I've been sitting here raking the litter box for the last two hours and I don't feel anything but annoyed, and frankly, a little nauseous. Whoever said zen gardens are meditative and spiritually healing never...
Soap Dog People
$14.50
Smells like drool. But you're used to that, right? In fact, if I had to guess I'd say your dog is probably sitting in the tub with you right now. Not that I blame you. My dog Charlie is tucked...
Soap Dad Bods
$14.50
Real men have curves. Mmmmm. marshmallows. And now there's no reason to feel guilty for indulging. Thanks to an incredible new development in the "hot guy" category, Dad Bods are officially in! 21 year olds are into you, and 21...
Soap Cat People
$14.50
Hairball much? Your cats are circling the tub, but don't count on them joining you unless you really are bathing in warm milk. And maybe you are. You cat people are cuh-razy. I should know. I have 14. What? Don't...
Soap Besties
$14.50
Let's unpack this. And by that, I mean let's unpack everything. I have soooo many things I need to tell you since I last saw you 12 hours ago. And nobody else understands my bitching the way you do! We've...
Soap Crazy B*tches
$14.50
Don't make me take my hoops out. I'm literally on the verge of smacking that cheap face off your head. If you don't come with me right now to the club and down 14 shots of Jager with me, I'm...
Soap What the F*cking F*ck
$14.50
How do I put this? And how many different ways can I say it before I know you're truly picking up what I'm laying down? What. The. Fucking. Fuck? And I'm not talking about corrupt governments and the fact that...
Soap Zero F*cks
$13.00
None to give. We hear you. You're so over it you can't even. This newly concocted bad attitude is just what the doctor ordered! Plus, none of us really liked it when you were just a simple, caring, average Joe....
Soap You're the Worst
$11.00
But really. You are. Of course, it makes me look that much better when I'm standing next to you. Which is the only reason I DO stand next to you. Kidding. You know I love ya. Even though you're the...
Soap That's What She Said
$14.50
Why is this so hard? That�s what she said! And who is she, you ask? The kinda person who has an office and a workspace, that's who. I mean, what kind of sociopath can create in the same place they...
Soap Tomorrow Ok?
$13.00
ME, procrastinate? Never. I just know how to get things done quickly, and at the last second. It's just how I operate. I feel sorry for all those suckers who have everything completed as soon as it's assigned. Fools! Why,...
Soap Trophy Husband
$13.00
Sup. See that guy sitting poolside in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon like he doesn't have a care in the world? Yep, that's me. Okay, maybe I work two nights a week but I'm telling you, my wife pays...
Soap Stoners
$14.50
It's 4:20 somewhere. Blaze it! You don't have to be in Colorado to get stoned, but it kinda helps when you don�t have to buy your grass from the sketchy high school D.A.R.E. officer like the rest of us. Best...
Soap Salty Servers
$12.00
Can we move to that booth over there? I�ve got a tip for you: Don't expect me to smile when I bring your custom salad: Hold the lettuce, arugula, croutons, cheese and onions, zebra milk dressing on the side, oh...
Soap Soul Mates
$13.00
My soul mate? The truth of the matter is, that when I think of potential soul mates, I tend to think in terms of food, cats, booze, naps, Netflix, and knee socks. Oh. And you. Of course, you. I meant...
Soap Sh*t Show
$14.50
Welcome to the Sh*t Show. It's poorly produced, but what would you expect? It only took six shots of Fireball to get here. Tonight, I mean. The sh*t show of my life needs no lubricant. All I have to do...
Soap Social Anxiety
$12.00
I'm *cough* super sick Otherwise, I would TOTALLY go to your [insert any social event here]. You know how much I love mingling. It's just that I broke my glass eye again and then I set the waterbed on fire....
Soap Queens
$12.00
Talk. To. The. Hand. Seriously? I mean, seriously? I bought you this Candle for Queens and your only response is to throw it at me? Talk about major drama! I'll tell you this right here, right now. If you don't...
Soap Quarantine Nostalgia
$12.00
Times used to be much simpler. For a little while. Sure, we couldn't go anywhere or touch anything or see anyone, but we still had PUZZLES. And BAKING. And LEARNING A NEW LANGUAGE. Okay, only insane people did that. But...
Soap Parent Teachers
$11.00
The quadratic WHAT? Kid, I was never that good at math. I failed algebra twice. I'm more of a baking delicious cupcakes, good movie finder type of personality. Can't you just find some random 8 year old YouTuber halfway around...
Soap Personal Space
$12.00
Oh, perfect. You're back wandering around the office again instead of working at your desk like the rest of us. What's that? You just had to show me today's hilarious desk calendar joke? Made you think of me? Hey, guess...
Soap Poor Choices
$14.50
Smells like Four Lokos and deep fried frosting. YOLO! Little Debbies Scented 6 oz. * Handmade vegan soap bar designed by in-house soap artisans with fragrance blends to match corresponding candles * Shrink-wrapped with a kraft brown label * Because...
Soap Outdoor People
$12.00
Sunsets just get me. If I'm inside, you can bet I'm thinking of being out. I'm just never more comfortable than when I'm knee-deep in swamps, poison ivy, and cicadas. In fact, I once knitted an entire sweater out of...
Soap Office Naps
$12.00
I wasn't sleeping. I was thinking really hard. Yes, sometimes my eyes close and my head lolls back when I think really extra-hard. Well yes, there can also be a smidge of drool. No really, it's actually a chiropractic-recommended ergonomic...
Soap Napping
$13.00
Yawn. Oh sorry, I can't make it. I know I said I'd help you pick out a new shelving configuration at IKEA today, but it turns out I'll be sleeping for the better part of the day. Yes, and on...
Soap Namaste
$13.00
Ommmm. I'm not saying yoga pants make you look 20% hotter, but I'm not saying they don't, either. So let's all take a moment to silently express our gratitude for yoga pants. And by "silently express," of course I mean...
Soap Morning People
$12.00
Smells like a hell no. Everyone knows I love mornings. Especially when they start after two, two-thirty in the afternoon. That way I can combine breakfast, lunch and dinner into one healthy tomato smoothie. With vodka. A lot of vodka....
Soap Man's Man
$14.50
Smells like Alaska. Or what you imagine Alaska smells like while you're watching reality TV and eating Cheetos on the recliner. We think it probably smells like wet bear fur and salmon or a toasty campfire in the middle of...
Soap Midlife Crisis
$12.00
Will not fade new tattoos! Midlife Crisis soap smells like a motorcycle, or a perm or maybe even a food truck. Whatever it is, you're throwing caution to the wind and finally going for it. And not a second too...
Soap Introvert Scented
$13.00
People suck. That�s why you prefer to stay inside with your vintage stuffed animal collection. But even enjoying your own company requires some ambiance. Ideally from this candle in a non-confrontational ocean blue. Blue Raspberry Jell-O 6 oz. * Handmade...
Soap Indoor People
$13.00
But it's raining. Sorry, I don't do rain. Or snow. Or heat. Unless it's the absolute most perfect, bug-free day of they year, I'm staying in. And why not? I've got books, heat, AC, food, ice cold drinks, Netflix, social...
Soap It's Fine
$13.00
No, really. It's fine. I'm totally not going to write anything for this soap. It's fine. I'm sure you're fine with that. Totally fine. I mean, you only offered me a glass of lukewarm tap water when I came to...
Soap Hot Messes
$13.00
Hey girrrrl. Look at you stumbling down the sidewalk at 7 a.m. in yesterday's little black romper and sparkly space buns. I'm not one to judge or anything, but I do find your everyday life mad entertaining. So why don't...
Soap Hangovers
$13.00
Why do I do this to myself? The pounding headache, the cold sweat, the I'm-totally-gonna-vom-on-my-way-to-work feeling. yeah, we're familiar with the good ol' fashioned hangover. I'm never drinking again. Well, except that this Friday is happy hour at my fave...
Soap Gen Z
$12.00
Bro! I'm so pumped about this soap for my generation! I just found out there were names for generations. And I just found out what a generation is. I'm literally dead right now. This is low-key the most fire tea...
Soap #Goals
$12.00
Hashtag duh. It seems like lately, everyone has goals. #hairgoals #friendgoals #pizzagoals #beergoals #napgoals #goopgoals. awww, crap. I wrote goals too many times and now it sounds weird. Goals. Goals. GOALS. Gooooaaaallls. Tag. You're it. Unicorn Farts Scented 6 oz....
Soap Favorite Child
$14.50
I'm not one to brag. And that's just one of the reasons I'm the favorite child. Intelligence, charm, rugged good looks, and modesty. Mom and Dad said they broke the mold when they made me. But I'm not supposed to...
Soap Dirty Thirties
$14.50
Oh, you're so perfect. With your "college degree" and your "successful career" and your "bangin' body". Oh, wait a second. Okay. Yeah, you kind of are. But, and let me play devil's advocate here, have you ever eaten six Chipotle...
Soap Drinking Buddies
$13.00
Meet me after work? Haha. Like I have to ask. I'll see you at 5:01 p.m. on our usual stools at our usual spot with our usual drinks. There's such comfort in rituals. Speaking of rituals, I'm in the bathroom...
Soap Cat Videos
$14.50
Better than sex. Or at least even with porn. I mean, that's what I've heard. I have a life, okay? I don't sit around shoving Cheezits down my gullet while watching every cat video uploaded to the internet, okay? And...
Soap Cool Dads
$14.50
Yeah, you know who you are. You're never going to be your father, no way. That guy was so uptight and seemed a million years old. You're more the type who "connects" with his kids, can "drop in" at the...
Soap Classy As F*ck
$11.00
So classy. That's what I thought when I saw you at the bus station in stilettos. And when I noticed your Starbucks cup filled with Boone's Farm, I said to myself, no. That is classy AF. I wish I could...
Soap Beer Whisperers
$13.00
Fresh banana bread anyone? That's just the tip. I've moved on to baguettes, challah and focaccia. Don't believe me? Check all my social media, hater. I'm practically a one person artisan bread bakery at this point. And check it tomorrow....
Soap Big Families
$13.00
Maybe one day. I'd never yelled the word "motherf*ck!" in front of small children until that day I stepped on my first Lego from hell. Sorry, kiddos, but that was simply unavoidable. And that's the day my baby-sitting career ended....
Soap Alone Time
$14.50
Why you so thick? Boy, are you terrible at taking hints. When I started responding to all your inane questions with random non-sequiturs, you didn't flinch. When I quit looking you in the eye, nada. And when I screamed, "leave...