All Available
Candle F*ck That
$16.50
F*CK THAT SMELLS LIKE TIME'S UP Canceled. Sloe Gin Fizz Scented 6.5 oz. * Hand-poured 100% soy wax candle * Burn time: 40 hours
Candle I F*cking Love You
$16.50
I F*CKING LOVE YOU SMELLS LIKE, I MEAN, PROBABLY You know how temperamental I can be. Pomegranate Champagne Scented 6.5 oz. * Hand-poured 100% soy wax candle * Burn time: 40 hours
Retro Stripe Candle F*ck
$16.50
F*CK Smells like your favorite candle Vanilla-Something Scented Notes of tobacco and vanilla 8 oz. * Hand-poured 100% soy wax candle * Burn time: 40 hours
Paint Can Candle Re-Gifted
$28.00
Re-Gifted From my collection Probably never used Vanilla & Amberwood Scented 8 oz. * Hand-poured 100% soy wax candle * Burn time: 40 hours
Retro Stripe Candle Positivity
$16.50
POSITIVITY DEPRESSES ME Smells like a big smile and a lobotomy Melonhead Scented Notes of watermelon and cantaloupe 8 oz. * Hand-poured 100% soy wax candle * Burn time: 40 hours
Retro Stripe Candle Trust
$16.50
TRUST NO ONE Smells like a luxury you can't afford. Perfect Teeth Scented Notes of peppermint 8 oz. * Hand-poured 100% soy wax candle * Burn time: 40 hours
Retro Stripe Candle Calm
$16.50
CALM THE FUCK DOWN, OKAY? Smells like meditation & a Xanax Xan Garden Scented Notes of basil and bamboo 8 oz. * Hand-poured 100% soy wax candle * Burn time: 40 hours
Retro Stripe Candle Hope
$16.50
HOPE THE BAR'S STILL OPEN Smells like another dumb thing Last-Call Highball Scented Notes of cherry and caramel 8 oz. * Hand-poured 100% soy wax candle * Burn time: 40 hours
Retro Stripe Candle Balance
$16.50
BALANCE AND TEQUILA DON'T MIX Smells like tequila & a multivitamin Tequila B12 Scented Notes of tequila and lime 8 oz. * Hand-poured 100% soy wax candle * Burn time: 40 hours
Pencils Passive Aggressive
$12.00
It's fine. I mean, if you want, I can write an essay detailing the extent to which I'm fine. I'll even laminate the cover if you need me to do that, too. I don't mind at all. If that's what...
Pencils Lefties
$12.00
YOU'RE WEIRD. No, but seriously. Can you just suck it up and start using your right hand like everyone else in the developed world? You�re making us look bad with all your creativity and success. It's like you're part of...
Paint Can Candle Merry F*cking Whatever
$28.00
Hope you have a very happy non-specific celebration. Holiday Tree Cypress & Fir Scented 12 oz. * Burn time 50 hours
Pencils Writer's Block
$12.00
TIRED OF FEELING LIKE A BONE-DRY HACK? So the wordsmith's well has run dry? Try this pack of Writer's Block pencils. If these pencils don't help you churn out regurgitated ideas and probably a vampire, I'll eat my hat. It's...
Pencils Midlife Crisis
$12.00
WHO SAYS EXISTENTIAL DREAD CAN'T BE FUN? Congratulations, you've made it to middle age! All those years of being "financially responsible" means you can finally buy a motorcycle and the bitchin' leather jacket to match. Or maybe a year-long silent...
Pencils Procrastinators
$12.00
Two weeks. Go ahead, ask me anything. Invariably, the answer will be "two weeks." Wondering when I'll get my grades up? Two weeks. Get my grades up and start working out? Two weeks. Get my grades up, start working out,...
Pencils Cat People
$12.00
HERE KITTY, KITTY. I have a surprise for youuuu. Darn it, where are you? Remember that time you told me you wished you could be a little policeman? I�m sure you said that. And I've got JUST the costume for...
Pencils Boomers vs Millinnials
$12.00
PASS THE POPCORN. With the two largest generations in history at each other's virtual throats on social media, this is the most epic battle since white or wheat. Who�s more entitled? Who's more maligned? And does it even matter? HEY....
Soap Insomnia
$14.50
Off switch. I don't know about you, but I sure could use an "off switch" for my pesky brain. Especially right around 3 AM every night. And then I'm tossing and turning and worrying about the dumbest shit anyone's ever...
Soap Fun Uncle
$14.50
Beer me! White 80, hut, hut, hike! I still don't know what that means, but it's something my uncle would've said as he wrestled me and my brothers to the living room with a full beer in his paw while...
Soap Cool Aunt
$14.50
Honey, hand me that bottle? Your auntie needs another top off. It's been a week, I tell ya. My work load is intense and my dating life is an absolute train wreck. Honestly, coming over to see my favorite niece...
Soap Bad Attitudes
$14.50
Are you still here? I thought perhaps my lack of eye contact and general disinterest may have clued you in. But here you are, still standing in front of me with your half-baked motivational sound bites and cheesy grin. No,...
Soap Okay Moms
$14.50
Congratulations. You're the world's okayest mom! I'd get you a mug except I swore off giving gifts years ago when one person from high school forgot to publicly wish me a "happy birthday" on Facebook and destroyed my love of...
Soap F*cking Zen
$14.50
Om. I don't get it. I've been sitting here raking the litter box for the last two hours and I don't feel anything but annoyed, and frankly, a little nauseous. Whoever said zen gardens are meditative and spiritually healing never...
Soap Dog People
$14.50
Smells like drool. But you're used to that, right? In fact, if I had to guess I'd say your dog is probably sitting in the tub with you right now. Not that I blame you. My dog Charlie is tucked...
Soap Dad Bods
$14.50
Real men have curves. Mmmmm. marshmallows. And now there's no reason to feel guilty for indulging. Thanks to an incredible new development in the "hot guy" category, Dad Bods are officially in! 21 year olds are into you, and 21...
Soap Cat People
$14.50
Hairball much? Your cats are circling the tub, but don't count on them joining you unless you really are bathing in warm milk. And maybe you are. You cat people are cuh-razy. I should know. I have 14. What? Don't...
Soap Besties
$14.50
Let's unpack this. And by that, I mean let's unpack everything. I have soooo many things I need to tell you since I last saw you 12 hours ago. And nobody else understands my bitching the way you do! We've...
Soap Crazy B*tches
$14.50
Don't make me take my hoops out. I'm literally on the verge of smacking that cheap face off your head. If you don't come with me right now to the club and down 14 shots of Jager with me, I'm...
Pencils the Office
$12.00
Oh, cool. It's Monday again. Feels like I just clocked out. Know what I love about Mondays? Nothing. In fifteen minutes, I'll be sleeping with my eyes open for an hour long meeting about employee morale followed by a "surprise"...
Pencils For Teachers
$12.00
IT'S A SNOW DAY SOMEWHERE. But not for you! You have another full day of dealing with other people's children AND their classroom shenanigans. And it's not that you don't love teaching. It's more that nobody truly appreciates all the...
Pencils Okay Moms
$12.00
CONGRATULATIONS. You're the world's okayest mom! Please don't take offense! Face it, perfect moms are the absolute worst, what with their spotless car seats, healthy and organic snacks packed neatly in recyclable containers, and quick draw first aid kits. Okay...
Pencils Grammar Police
$12.00
YOUR ANNOYING. Ahahaha. It's so easy to get under your skin. Just wanted to shoot a quick message to let you know how impressed we all are that you finally figured out the difference between your and you're. Welcome to...
Pencils First World Problems
$12.00
AWWWWW. I hear you're having a bad day. First of all, your wifi sucks, so Shameless is totally lagging. Plus, it's 95 outside but you're shivering under a blanket because the AC is SO freezing, and now your gluten-free muffin...
Pencils Cool Dads
$12.00
SO FUNNY, I FORGOT TO LAUGH. Where in the heck are you and the other dads getting these so called "jokes" from anyway, Corny Dads Quarterly? I mean, come on now. Does every conversation need a fart reference? Are you...
Candle What the Actual F*ck
$16.50
SMELLS LIKE AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS Who am I? Why am I here? Why is this candle talking to me? Cucumber-Aloe Daquiri Scented 6.5 oz. * Hand-poured 100% soy wax candle * Burn time: 40 hours
Candle F*ck This
$16.50
SMELLS LIKE I'M OVER IT Bye, Felicia. Amaretto Sour Scented 6.5 oz * Hand-poured 100% soy wax candle * Burn time 40 hours
Soap What the F*cking F*ck
$14.50
How do I put this? And how many different ways can I say it before I know you're truly picking up what I'm laying down? What. The. Fucking. Fuck? And I'm not talking about corrupt governments and the fact that...
Soap Poor Choices
$14.50
Smells like Four Lokos and deep fried frosting. YOLO! Little Debbies Scented 6 oz. * Handmade vegan soap bar designed by in-house soap artisans with fragrance blends to match corresponding candles * Shrink-wrapped with a kraft brown label * Because...
Emergency Ambiance Tin Home For the Holidays
$14.50
Xmas Anxiety Peppermint & Vanilla Scented 3 oz. * Hand-poured 100% soy wax candle * Comes with old-school matchbook * 4 emergency 1-hour burns
Holiday Candle Christmas Spirit
$16.50
Wait, spirit or spirits? Because if you're talking Christmas spirits, I'm down for an apple pie moonshine stat. Or at least a shot of bourbon. Heck, I'll take anything you've got at this point. My Christmas spirit may be currently...
Soap Favorite Child
$14.50
I'm not one to brag. And that's just one of the reasons I'm the favorite child. Intelligence, charm, rugged good looks, and modesty. Mom and Dad said they broke the mold when they made me. But I'm not supposed to...
Soap Dirty Thirties
$14.50
Oh, you're so perfect. With your "college degree" and your "successful career" and your "bangin' body". Oh, wait a second. Okay. Yeah, you kind of are. But, and let me play devil's advocate here, have you ever eaten six Chipotle...
Soap Cat Videos
$14.50
Better than sex. Or at least even with porn. I mean, that's what I've heard. I have a life, okay? I don't sit around shoving Cheezits down my gullet while watching every cat video uploaded to the internet, okay? And...
Emergency Ambiance Tin Holiday Drama
$14.50
Crisis Wine Merlot, Cinnamon and Orange Scented 3 oz. * Hand-poured 100% soy wax candle * Comes with old-school matchbook * 4 emergency 1-hour burns
Soap Cool Dads
$14.50
Yeah, you know who you are. You're never going to be your father, no way. That guy was so uptight and seemed a million years old. You're more the type who "connects" with his kids, can "drop in" at the...
Candle F*ck Yeah
$16.50
SMELLS LIKE A CELEBRATORY DRINK F*ck yeah! Blueberry Bourbon Fizz Scented 6.5 oz. * Hand-poured 100% soy wax candle * Burn time: 40 hours
Candle Oh My F*ck
$16.50
SMELLS LIKE SOMEONE'S KNOCKED UP Congratulations! Your life is now over. Blue Raspberry Jello Shot Scented 6.5 oz. * Hand-poured 100% soy wax candle * Burn time: 40 hours
Soap That's What She Said
$14.50
Why is this so hard? That�s what she said! And who is she, you ask? The kinda person who has an office and a workspace, that's who. I mean, what kind of sociopath can create in the same place they...
Soap Stoners
$14.50
It's 4:20 somewhere. Blaze it! You don't have to be in Colorado to get stoned, but it kinda helps when you don�t have to buy your grass from the sketchy high school D.A.R.E. officer like the rest of us. Best...
Soap Introvert Scented
$13.00
People suck. That�s why you prefer to stay inside with your vintage stuffed animal collection. But even enjoying your own company requires some ambiance. Ideally from this candle in a non-confrontational ocean blue. Blue Raspberry Jell-O 6 oz. * Handmade...